Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

By Jarod Kintz

2.93 - ratings 15

I didn’t write this piece to attract a potential mate, as the title might lead a reader to believe. That said, I like long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire, and watching silent movies at full volume and then screaming into the phone when anybody calls.

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(first published June 8th 2010)

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Quotes From "Great Listener Seeks Mute Women"

"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."
"Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face."
"Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car."
"In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench."
"Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And after accumulating and culminating it, all I can say is, “Ahhhhh!"
"I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads."
"The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup."
"A one dollar bill, though it weighs less than 99 pennies, is psychologically heavier."

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