So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us

By Beth Moore

7,751 ratings - 4.19* vote

2011 Retailers Choice Award winner!Perhaps one of the biggest issues all women face is their own insecurity. Beth Moore, one of today's most admired and trusted Christian writers, wants women to be free from the insecurity trap. So Long, Insecurity will strike a chord with women everywhere, as Beth speaks truth into the lives of readers, showing them how to deal with their 2011 Retailers Choice Award winner!Perhaps one of the biggest issues all women face is their own insecurity. Beth

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Book details

Hardcover, 352 pages
February 2nd 2010 by Tyndale House Publishers
ISBN
1414334729 (ISBN13: 9781414334721)

Community Reviews

Carla

I was a little apprehensive about going through this book. Up until now I have tended to write off the, in my view, over-sensationalized "Beth Moore" women's studies and have consequently avoided them. However, I was proved quite wrong in my private little stereotype, and the shallow book I expected turned out to bring me to depths in both my spiritual journey and my emotional and mental well-being that no book ever has. Ever.

This book is easy to read, but has clearly been used by the Holy Spirit to free women both from insecurities and the deeply rooted sources in a deep, powerful and lasting way. Beth not only leads the reader through close (and difficult!) self-examination of the reader's past, but through powerful prayers and tools to set the reader on the path of healing and wholeness even after the book ends. This book was used by God in my life like a jackhammer - breaking lifelong, cemented patterns for good - some that I didn't even recognize were there. I will be keeping this book and referring to it over the months and years to come.

I would recommend this book to anyone with even the slightest little feelings of insecurity, because if you are ready to tackle this book - it will not disappoint you.

Kim

I tend to dislike womanish books. Not this one. Beth is humorous and her illustrations hit home. Insecurity has done damage to my energy and intimacy in relationships. What I learned from this book has helped me relax and enjoy myself.

What I learned---

What is insecurity
-self-doubt and uncertainty about my place in the world, -self-consciousness, anxiety, lack of confidence, fear of rejection, unsure of whether my feelings are legitimate.
-self-preoccupation—more aware of self than anyone else in the room

Drawbacks of insecurity
-trying to make things as I want them to be
-trying to make my kids, not just direct them
-Trying to discover about kids what only God was meant to know
-Obsessing over someone’s anger.
-Being hurt is almost inevitable because expectations are so high—undue pressure on relationships—making blowout inevitable
arresting loved ones and holding them in emotional jail for punishment rather than investing in them
-disliking the people we love
-looking for value from those we love and putting too much pressure on them
-devaluing myself
-Urge to lie when I don’t know something
-fear driven as we are so careful about what we try to project
-Fixating on every self-gain and self-loss
-We will never feel better about ourselves by becoming consumed with ourselves or by feeling worse about others.
-Losing God-given dignity


My insecurity reasons
-Sins & wrongs; not living up to my ideals
-Broken dreams from not living up to my ideals
-Not performing well or having respect of others or influence on others due to not living up to my ideals. Like other people excelling in “my area,” saying something stupid to someone I admire, having people not respond well when I pour out my heart. Trying to make amends whenever I think I’ve done something wrong.
-Not being one of the most gifted people alive.
-In the end, pride because I want everyone, myself included, to respect and admire me.
*No greater burden than my ego. It allows things that break my heart to keep me from healing. I have arrogant expectations beneath my self-contempt.

Believing Truth
-Search for significance. Our need for significance is built in so we will search for the Creator.
-Let truth scream louder than the lies that have infected us.
I need someone who will love me when I hate myself.
-“He knows it’s scary to be us.”
-Worship is pre-occupation; if we are preoccupied in anger & unforgiveness than we are worshipping the person we are thinking of.
-My loved one is a separate person from me; one who God loves, pursues, and sometimes chastises.

More than talk
-Satan wants us to dig ourselves into a pit of self-hatred by insisting on getting my dignity back when I’ve been foolish, acting even more foolish, and then vastly more insecure and a failure.
-If we only talk about our problems, we stir the pot we are drowning in and intensify the undercurrent, drawing ourselves further down.
-I can let the healthy whole secure part of me drive my actions, emotions, relationship

*I do not have to act on feelings of insecurity.
-Stop affirming and reaffirming to myself how inferior I am
-Do not give the future the right to intimidate you
-If you are borrowing trouble from the future by worrying, go ahead and borrow the grace to deal with the problem. Imagine all your worst fears coming true and then what would happen on the other side of them. God taking care of me no matter what.
-Expose myself to materials that edify my soul; put down or turn off something that makes lies about myself believable.
-Shift friends that make me feel stupid and small to the B list.
-Can say “Self, get over it.” Our culture’s great injustice is training us to avoid personal responsibility so we can’t come to repentance & restoration.
-Have faith—insecurity is a lack of faith.
Put specific truth in place of insecurities and close self to future onslaught

The truth is
-I am beautiful to God; He is enthralled by my beauty
-I am a treasure to God.
-I am worthy of respect.
-I am clothed with strength and dignity. When I am feeling over-exposed, I can say “I am covered by God.”

Beth

The title leave you nothing to wonder about....it's about insecurity. And if every woman was honest with herself, we would recognize that oftentimes we fail to embrace our God given security, strength and dignity like we should. I think this book is an outstanding tool, even if you don't feel like you have cronic insecurity. It's eye opening to how, we as women, tend to walk into a room and immediately compare ourselves to our surroundings and chalk points into the "do I measure up" column. I particularly liked the fact that this book talks about the real security of God and not just believing in a universal goodness. Beth Moore goes through all sorts of causes for insecurity on many levels, from abuse and loss to how women are portrayed in American culture. By the end of the book the reader can take away valid and usable techniques to catch themselves choosing an attitude that represents their strength and dignity rather than one of insecurity. I think this is one of those books, that while the title might be something I'll need to explain over and over again, I will keep on my shelf and reread several times. I will say (and the author admits to this) it's a little bit of a messy read and difficult to follow near the end.

Ellie Sorota

While Beth Moore's Bible studies have been immensely eye-opening to me, her book So Long, Insecurity was a waste of time. The book begins promisingly enough, but then spends too many pages explaining that, yes, this is a book about insecurity, and yes, some people are insecure, and yes, insecure people might benefit from reading about insecurity. She forgot, apparently, that she'd already said that with the title. This often happens in self-help books - pages and pages spent justifying its publication rather than actually addressing the topic at hand.

I finally decided to say, "So long," to So Long when Beth began a paragraph with, "One day, I was on a walk with my ipod when God spoke to me." When God speaks to you, tell us about that - not your ipod.

Deana

Beth Moore has the heart of a servant and this book proves her passion, knowledge, and wisdom in Christ. She has done her best in helping women believe in their God-given beauty, talent, and anointing from Christ. With tact, Moore convicts with the Holy Spirit's guidance and touches the brokenness with the compassion from the Father. Women in today's age need a reality check, and Moore helps unravel the lies and temptations the world burdens us with. I recommended this book to every friend I have that is weighed down by illusions their weak perceptions and/or hearts have told them about self-image, self-esteem, true success, etc. Moore cares deeply about the inner-woman and this shines forth in her honesty throughout the book. If every woman reads this book and is completely honest with herself, she will find deliverance from even hidden insecurities. I was freed in many ways and reminded of God's word and more of Jesus, both of which are the only true sources of sweet deliverance from the corruption in our hearts and from the lies we believe about ourselves.

Jill Williamson

Review by Jill Williamson

I love Beth Moore. I've never met her, but I've done several of her Bible studies and had the privilege of attending one of her conferences. The woman inspires me. Why? Because she's real. She's suffered through life, just like the rest of us, and she refuses to let that define her. Praise Jesus for that! That, and her passion for studying the Word of God, draws me, and thousands of other women, to her like sheep to a shepherd. She is a disciple of Jesus. She teaches His truth in a wonderful, personal, life-changing way.

So when I saw this book, I knew I needed it. I've always had low self-esteem. And I am plagued by insecurity. The smallest little comment will send me into a spiral of woe. One example, I have the nasty habit of interpreting faces. I can read minds, too, you know. If someone looks at me funny, I know I did something to make them upset with me, and I can't stand it until I know everything is okay again. I've also trained myself to interpret email tones. I entertain my husband every time I read an email to him. He says I read every word with a negative, attacking tone, as if the author has a personal agenda against me--or someone.

One of my husband's most telling phrases is: It must be exhausting being you.

Well, ouch.

But he's right. It is exhausting being so insecure. I don't mean to do this to myself. And I'm tired of it. And a bit ticked off, as Beth was in the beginning of her book. Having read the book, I will say that I now have confidence that I can beat this thing. Insecurity distracts our minds from living the life God intends for us. It keeps us weak instead of strong. It keeps us distant instead of loving. It keeps us judging instead of reaching out and building lasting friendships.

Once again, Beth Moore has inspired me. I'm saying, "So long, Insecurity! You don't own this girl!" Whoo hoo! Now that's something to get excited about. If you've ever felt insecure, sit down and talk it out with Beth. And that's exactly what this book was. A nice, long, heart to heart with Beth Moore about a topic that plagues us. I highly recommend it.

Kristi

This book should be standard issue to every woman on earth. Probably every man, as well. Whether insecurity dogs your steps constantly or whether it only rears its ugly head on occasion, we all hate that ugly feeling. Moore delves deep into finding the root of the problem of insecurity and helps us examine why we find ourselves falling into this trap. Like a wise and loving big sister, she doesn't pull any punches but with authenticity and transparency about her own struggles, Beth offers practical strategies and real answers that can help us defeat this monster. One of my favorite things about this book is the way she approaches the topic -- She is absolutely real. Some of the scenarios will make you laugh out loud, and some will bring tears to your eyes. They'll strike home, though, as Beth zeroes in on some of our tenderest areas. Definitely worth a read. Or two. Or a dozen.

Audrey Mccartney

Maybe 3 and a half stars. I found the subject relevant to my life but didn't find the overarching principles of dealing with our anxieties to be comprehensive enough to satisfy me. The Biblical principles were solid, but I would have liked her to expand on them. I think I was affected by two things: 1) I was listening to the audio version of this book which I find makes reviewing and applying difficult. 2) A majority of the examples and application centered around men as the source of insecurity, which I don't relate to.

Caitlin

Insecurity is a monster.
This book exposes it for what it is and passionately bids us to rid ourselves of it.
Beth Moore breaks insecurity down, getting to the reasons behind why we think and feel those negative things about ourselves. Then, with the truth of Scripture, she obliterates every single one, teaching us how to be free, secure, confident people.

It's life changing stuff.

Maddie

Fear and insecurity run deep for me. I remembered the first time I felt paralyzed by fear, I was only in elementary school. The struggle is real, but God is so faithful. Beth Moore's book is a beautiful reminder to women of their value in Christ. No fear, God will take care of us no matter what hardships we encounter in life. In the end we will be able to look in triumph on our foes.

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