Vernon D. Burns Quotes

• “Baby, where we're going, you won't need a shirt.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “He thought he saw some horses, too, and a clown, but it was the faces of all those dead raptors that really bothered him. And maybe that clown a little bit.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “The guy got torn the hell in half. He's in two big pieces, and he's very dead, unless I need him for the plot later.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “That scorpion is turning me into a human! Quick, stop him! Before the transformation is complete!”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “You fucked a raptor?”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “I'm not saying the plot doesn't have holes.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “Show me the science. Last I heard, gay six-year-olds remain unproven.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “I consider myself a green party supporter...because green represents my favorite color other than clear. And I met a guy who was running for the green party this one time, and he seemed like he had a great head on his shoulders for a homeless guy.”

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• “Unfortunately for Sampson, the naked mole rat was in heat at the moment.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “Deep down, it's all baseball, no matter what kind of geometrical shape you play it with.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “I swear, it's like God is just squatting over us, pissing incessantly right on our faces as we try to get off this annoying planet. I think he's enjoying this.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “For here he was, barely able to tread water, some gargantuan lizard in the water with him, and the most beautiful woman in the world decapitated and bobbing on the water.”

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• “Then we’re already dead, Robert. We’re already dead. Think of poor Michael. He was horribly disfigured and had that space rash, but he served a purpose! He could clean and sanitize the latrine like no one else. And the engine crew? They’re dead, too, Robert. They’re dead, too.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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• “Sven knew jungles better than anyone; he’d spent his childhood in the Swedish outlands, an unforgiving place.”

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• “Caris set off into the nearby trees and walked a few feet beyond them, thankful for a break from Rita’s worry. He unzipped his pants and let them fall to his ankles, then he squatted down and began to urinate.”

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• “Her foot squished into the soft ground as she walked. She stooped down and pressed her fingers into the damp earth. Raising them to her nose, she inhaled. Urine. Human.”

  Vernon D. Burns

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