"Good things come to those who wait, but shit pretty much shows up right away, doesn't it?"
"A hotel mini bar allows you to see what a can of Pepsi will cost in twenty years."
"As an American, I'd like to apologize-for everything."
"If you do not have the innate ability to seek out someone's work on your own, and you have to wait for Hollywood to do it for you, then you are some sort of hillside grazer of culture; you are a sheep, a cow, what is biologically classified as a ruminant...Fuck you."
"In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely."