Mark A. Michaels Quotes

• “Designer relationships are based on egalitarianism and mutuality, not on proprietary thinking. From this perspective, if people decide they will have multiple partners, the approach is the antithesis of cheating. In the conventionally monogamous model, each party owns the other (a modern variation on the more antiquated view of woman as property). In designer relationships, each party voluntarily owes the other transparency, some measure of emotional loyalty, and a determination to abide by agreements.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “There is no single solution, but there’s a lot more to being in a relationship than resignation.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “Relationships can open and close or have varying degrees and kinds of openness as circumstances demand. In the context of a designer relationship, decisions are made mutually, consciously, and deliberately. Agreements are discussed, arrived at, and honored. And when agreements no longer serve, they can be re-crafted.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “Designer relationships entail:
  - Free, and enthusiastic choice
  - Mutuality in defining the relationship and establishing parameters
  - Permission to consider all forms of relating
  - Dedication to maintaining radical regard of your partner or partners
  - Regular testing of the non-exclusive for STIs, and transparency about sexual history”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “-- Myth #5: Monogamy Is Natural, Evolutionarily Determined, Optimal, or Divinely Ordained --
  
  It may seem paradoxical to combine evolutionary psychology and religious beliefs in a single section, but these ideas have much in common. Both partake of a mindset that treats contemporary culture as an expression of eternal verities, neglecting the fact that societies vary a great deal, and that modern relationships have little in common with the majority of models that have existed throughout human history.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “Recognizing that open relationships work for some doesn't threaten anyone else's relationship; it won't discourage anyone from choosing to be exclusive or from forming pair-bonds. We expect the majority will do just that and that dyadic and exclusive relationships will remain the predominant model. While we'd like to see people in those dyadic and exclusive relationships thinking their decisions through more carefully than they often do, we're not encouraging them to do anything that feels wrong. The simple answer to those who object to nonmonogamy is "Then be monogamous.”

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• “In designer relationships, each party voluntarily owes the other transparency, some measure of emotional loyalty, and a determination to abide by agreements.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “Again, there is something to be said for recapturing some of what it was like to be sixteen.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “contemporary relationship structures are rooted in the behavior and biology of our Pleistocene ancestors. It holds that men by nature want to spread their seed by having as many partners as possible, and women are looking for a provider, using their sex appeal to ensnare an alpha male. When a child is produced, the bond with the child tames the man, keeps his urges in check, and ties him down to a life of supporting his family. That is, unless and until his old instincts are triggered, usually by some younger, more alluring woman.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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• “if a partner is feeling abandonment jealousy, it can be very helpful to listen carefully and acknowledge how your behavior may have contributed.”

  Mark A. Michaels

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