Lily Tomlin Quotes

• “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “The road to success is always under construction”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “The best mind altering drug is the truth.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “I always wanted to be something, but now I see I should have been more specific.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “We're all in this alone.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “After all, in private, we're all misfits”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?”

  Lily Tomlin

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• “Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.”

  Lily Tomlin

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