Helene Lerner Quotes

• “Speaking Circles International, is the transformational speaking coach who worked with me. He underscored the importance of listening to your audience before, during, and after you speak in order to create nonverbal connections.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “learned from him that the spark between audience and speaker is ignited as you give the audience your full attention. He also advised me that it’s okay to feel your fear but remember that most people want you to succeed.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “I take a few deep breaths before I begin to speak, and I listen to the sounds in the room—this gets me focused and really present with my audience.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “I have practiced risk taking throughout my career because I believe what I can contribute is important. That isn’t to say that I don’t feel nervous. I have come to accept that trying something new involves discomfort—and taking risks gets easier with practice. I also have reached out for support. My risk-taking ventures haven’t always succeeded, but enough of them did. And even when my efforts did not work out, I learned something valuable from trying”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Confidence spark If public speaking is a great fear of yours, try practicing first with a few people you are comfortable with, people who you know will be an encouraging audience. Allow for nervousness, but focus on your listeners and their supportive presence. Take a few deep breaths and share something personal that’s meaningful for you. Authenticity and vulnerability help create a connection with your audience. A few sessions with a coach might be helpful if you feel the need.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Executive coach Alan Allard told me, “Listening shows respect, even if you don’t agree with what the person is saying.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “I’m going to make the best choice I can and if that turns out not to be perfect, I’ll keep my eye on it, analyze it, and modify it as I go.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Confidence spark If you’re feeling shaky about taking an action that could prove risky, use this exercise to determine if the action is what I call a best bet, a smart risk worth taking. First, analyze the pros and cons. Say you’re offered a job working for a start-up company. How many pluses and minuses can you list? Which do you have more of? Second,”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Second, consider the timing and your other priorities. Are you just starting out or have you been in the workforce for a long time? Are you single or married; do you have children? All of these factors go into determining whether taking the risk is worth it. Third”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Confidence spark One of the best ways to listen to someone is to tune in to the sound of his voice. He may be saying one thing but meaning something else. Focus on the quality of his tone—does he sound stressed or confident? What do you know about him that can help you figure out what he is really saying? If thoughts come up that distract you, just keep focusing on his voice to heighten your awareness of his real motivation and mental state.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Confidence spark If you’re feeling shaky about taking an action that could prove risky, use this exercise to determine if the action is what I call a best bet, a smart risk worth taking. First, analyze the pros and cons. Say you’re offered a job working for a start-up company. How many pluses and minuses can you list? Which do you have more of? Second, consider the timing and your other priorities. Are you just starting out or have you been in the workforce for a long time? Are you single or married; do you have children? All of these factors go into determining whether taking the risk is worth it. Third and most importantly, listen to your inner voice. What is it advising? If everything points to go, then it’s time to make a move. Or maybe you find that the timing is not right. Don’t discard your plans—just put them aside for now. Reevaluate the opportunity, or another one just like it, at a later time. Letting”

  Helene Lerner

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• “it’s about conveying the image of where you want to be, not where you are.”

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• “Think of yourself in a job two levels higher than the one you have now. Imagine what you’d be doing. What do you look like—how are you dressed? Do you seem poised and in command? Reflect on some of the women leaders who are actually at that level now. How do they carry themselves? How do they dress? In preparing for what you will wear to work tomorrow, keep these images in mind. Pick your clothes accordingly. Also, practice carrying yourself as a leader—shoulders relaxed and back with your head held high as you walk.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “We need to change the paradigm of what an effective businesswoman is and allow for expertise and imperfections to be part of the equation. The women I interviewed admitted to both. When we give up perfectionism, we are better able to step up, speak up, think big, and take risks. Yes, we have had to be twice as good as our male counterparts as a result of our late arrival into the workplace. But no one can keep pace with a standard that can never be achieved.”

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• “pretense of perfection can kill your enthusiasm as well as your ability to move forward. Don’t indulge it. Mistakes are part of the growing process. Some of the greatest innovations have come as a result of things going awry. A senior leader once told me that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you don’t make the same mistake twice.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Breaking your stretch goal into a series of smaller, doable actions may help. What steps will you need to take to get to your goal? If your goal is a promotion, how can you get more visibility with power players? Which project can you put your hand up for that will showcase your skills and commitment? What else can you do to show that you are ready to advance? How can you attract a sponsor?”

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• “consider the people who can support you as you work toward your goal. Who will give you honest feedback, offer expertise, or just be available to listen as challenges arise? Continue reaching out to these people when needed.”

  Helene Lerner

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• “one action at a time will get you there. Once your goal has been achieved, acknowledge the courage it took and how you have grown throughout the process. Don’t stop—find another stretch goal to tackle. Confidence is about stepping up over and over again, looking fear in the face and moving ahead anyway.”

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• “Power tools • Speak up when your insights can make a difference. If others make disparaging remarks, the results you bring to the table will ultimately override their negative comments. If the negativity continues, you may need to look for other opportunities. • Do a spot-check inventory throughout the day. Be aware of how you are feeling and thinking. If you are experiencing mad mind-chatter based on unfounded biases, question these thoughts. • Find a stretch goal you are passionate about and consider what you need to do to achieve it. Get a few supporters in place and start taking action, one step at a time. 2”

  Helene Lerner

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• “MYTH It’s not possible to learn how to be a dynamic leader. TRUTH Leadership presence can be cultivated and is available to me.”

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• “Leading with presence is all about the signals you send out. It is how you portray yourself—through your words, actions, and appearance—as someone whom others trust and want to follow.”

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• “Leading with presence involves being authentic, owning our strengths as well as our weaknesses, and speaking up on issues with integrity and passion.”

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• “The lines between being assertive or being aggressive, taking charge or being overly ambitious, and being nice or being ineffective are so blurred (by both sexes) that hitting the right note can feel impossible. In”

  Helene Lerner

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• “Executive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Success, author and CEO of the Center for Talent Innovation, Sylvia Ann Hewlett, sums up the situation: “If you’re tough, you’re a bitch and no one wants to work for you, but if you’re not tough, you’re not perceived as leadership material and you won’t be given anyone to work for you. It’s a high-wire act that every capable woman has had to perform, and the higher she goes, the more perilous the act.”1”

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• “Awareness is key, and we need to apply our best judgment and intuition to each situation.”

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