Aziz Gazipura Quotes
“Here’s the thing. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. They’re not incompetent children. They’re adults who can handle their own feelings. They can work through disappointment, hurt, anger, sadness, and upset. In fact, doing so will make them stronger and healthier in the long run. You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand.”
“The idea that you are not good enough and that people will not like you is something that has been ingrained into your mind over many years. You have hundreds of experiences that you can call up as evidence of the fact that people will not like you -- and that things will not turn out well. These ideas are incredibly convincing. They compel us to hesitate, to shy away, and to avoid the situations -- and people -- that we find frightening. This sets up a reinforcing cycle, where we avoid reaching out, don't get good responses from others as a result, and then gain further evidence that we are not worthy.
In order to truly overcome your social anxiety at a deep, gut level, you must repeatedly take bold action. It is only through trying something new, and with a different perspective, that you learn to see the world and the people around you in a different light.”
“People that live lives without rejection are engaged in a habit of great avoidance. • They avoid standing up for themselves. • They avoid asking for what they deserve at work and in relationships. • They avoid close friendships. • They avoid confrontation. • And sadly, they avoid love. A life without rejection is a lonely life indeed.”
“The opposite of nice is knowing who you are, what you believe in, and what you value. It’s you being powerful and going after what you want because you are no longer held back by the fear of what others will think of you. It’s you being fierce, determined, and courageous. It’s you being your best self.”
“I learned about the process of exposure, which involved moving towards what scared me rather than avoiding it. Once I learned about this I said: Well, I’m just going to expose myself to what I’m scared of until I’m not scared any more. This can be a brilliant philosophy, but I did it with an incredible amount of perfectionism, self-criticism and self-judgment. Also, doubts lingered about who I was and what I really wanted. I had dozens of ideas about how I should be, and I was continually striving to live up to my unrealistic expectations.”
“At its core, being nice is about being liked by others by making everything smooth. No waves, no friction. It’s based on this (woefully inaccurate) theory: If I please others, give them everything they want, keep a low profile, and don’t ruffle feathers or create any discomfort, then others will like me, love me, and shower me with approval and anything else I want”
“The more we avoid, the smaller our life becomes, and the more limited our future looks. The solution offered in this book is one of knowing and respecting yourself, accepting and loving yourself as you are, and taking bold action in the world around you. Through these actions you learn that your fears are merely shadows that pose no significant threats. You learn that most of the time people do not reject you, and that even when they do you are able to handle the discomfort that follows.”
“As you begin to understand why your critic is attacking you, you will automatically start to see more effective ways to respond to it. Let’s take a moment to explore just how the inner critic operates. Most importantly, we will explore why we attack ourselves, as well as the purpose of this inner voice.”
“Something powerful happens inside of us when we make the shift from avoidance to approach when it comes to fear. Your fear hierarchy is precisely designed to help you make this shift. Instead of viewing each item as a threat that demands your focus, time, and energy to avoid, what if you saw each item as an opportunity to face your fears?”
“time to step up and take full responsibility. No one can care as much about your internal, moment-to-moment experience as you can. Because they’re not in it. They’re not in your body, in your mind, and in your heart, experiencing everything you are. They have their own internal experience to feel and navigate. You are responsible for you. That means deciding, right here and now as you read this page, that you will shift your priorities and put yourself first. You no longer confuse self-denial with being a good person. You see clearly that always putting others first creates deep resentment, destroys your happiness, and is unsustainable. And you acknowledge that putting yourself first allows you to meet your needs in the most skillful way. This, in turn, increases your happiness, joy, and capacity to love, so you can give freely and create healthy relationships.”
“The real goal is to look at the areas of your life where you feel limited and stuck by feelings of shyness. When you feel like you cannot do the things in your life that really matter to you, such as finding a job that satisfies you, or creating a loving relationship with a beautiful partner, then it is time to do something about your shyness. When shyness prevents you from living the life that you truly want, then it can be described as social anxiety or social phobia. This simply means that in certain areas your shyness is negatively impacting your life and causing you distress.”
“Social anxiety is a complex result of many experiences from your environment growing up—your biology, your family, your early childhood experiences, your experiences in grade school, middle school, high school, etc. These stages of development help us learn more about the world around us, and ourselves. It is during these years that we make conclusions about ourselves, such as people don’t like me, or I am not good enough, which create social anxiety.”
- Description: Dr. Aziz is a clinical psychologist and one of the world's leading experts on social confidence. After being stuck in shyness and social anxiety himself for almost 10 years, he became determined to find a way to social freedom. Through thousands of hours of his own training, counseling, reading, group work, and coaching, he has truly mastered what it takes to break free from shyness and social anxiety into a life of confidence.
In 2011, Dr. Aziz started The Center For Social Confidence, which is dedicated to helping everyone break through their shyness and social anxiety. Through his unique blend of compassion, humor, and personal courage, Dr. Aziz has helped thousands of people all over the world increase their confidence. Through confidence coaching, audio and video programs, podcasts, a detailed blog, and intensive weekend workshops, Dr. Aziz lives out his mission: To help every person who is stuck in shyness liberate themselves to pursue the relationship, career, and life they have always dreamed of.
He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife Candace and son Zaim (who he claims is the "most socially confident badass kid in the world.")